Flying is Dangerous as Fuck

That whole "statistically you're more likely to be killed on the way to the airport".  What statistics?  I drive probably 2000 times a year.  Its like the whole losing your keys and remote thing.  People think it's so funny how those are the only things we lose but we also use these things every day.  Placing them in many locations over the course of a week.  Humans just lose things on a constant basis 5% of the time, and that portion is just enough to make our lives go from miserable to horrific in a split second.

How Long Do you Think It Took Cavemen to figure out which hole was for procreation and recreation

See the problem with man, especially somewhat primitive man, is that you know just enough about the universe but honestly you don't know shit. For instance, pregnancy you recognize it as a miracle, but as a primitive man you wouldn't know about sperm and egg, genetics, gestation. Oh it's a god right. so it probably started out with some stupid myth and worshiping some stupid god. You had division amongst tribes.  You had skirmish's, heated debates and fights.  You had one ape man go all in on the anal and the other go vaginal.  All the anal's just died out eventually, thought they would start back up int he 1960's except adoption is now widely available. 

In 1960 there was one homo

In 2015 there would be millions.

And it's weird how it works like that, it switches. 

I'm talking about 5000 BC man.  Those weird celtics and egyptians. I don't know.  

I think with animals on some level it's just instinctual, but when man evolved he lost that. He understood he made life but had no idea how, made up a story.  Now we are still somewhat primitive we know absolutely shit about the universe, but we think we do.  We might be 500 year of solid progress away from that, then maybe the world will be pretty cool.

Jesus

 Jesus was a pretty great guy, not the whole son of god thing, but that he just got the ultimate shaft and still was a decent person forgiving everyone.  It’s like hey you screwed me out of a job, okay, well jesus was tortured to an inch of his life then killed in a long ass process by the very people he thought loved him, while his lover and mother watched and as a murderer was set free.  Jesus is the ultimate example against religion.  They uses him as a son of God.  Jesus was about non-religion.  But they used Jesus.  Jesus = Santa. 

Looper Groundhog Day

Human History

Human history has gone on for roughtly what 5000 years. I’m talking civilizations, buildings, stories, myths, religion, active drug trade, recorded history, this whole drama has beeng going on for 5000 years, this is my land, no this is our land, this is my wife, you fucked my wife, I hate your God, well your god’s a fag for 5000 years, that’s not bad when you really think about it. When you condense it down to a couple days worth of stuff it’s pretty funny what’s all happened here.

To Be A Dog Or Not To Be A Dog

A lot of times when someone is having a hard day, they'll notice how their dog is just lounging around doing nothing and claim something stupid like "I wish I had the life of a dog."  Now your lucky this isn't the twilight zone and the next day you would wake up a dog and be trapped in that world forever with still your thoughts.  With every life decision lets go through this thing into a pros and cons list.  For best possible scenario lets assume you would be a dog born in an American suburb Minneapolis,  since some countries have decided to treat dogs like we treat pigs, crazy right?

Pros
You can sleep most of the day
You get your food for free
You get to shit out in the open and have some one pick it up for you
You get lots of positive encouragement based on basic commands
You get to experience the world in completely different light, you don't know what the stars mean but you see them, what does fresh baked bread smell like to a dog?  Can you hear phantoms?
You are naked and no one cares
You get really, really excited about somewhat mundane things, it must be like being on heroin
You can pretty much do what you want on some level and no one complains. 

THATS IT!

Cons
You get your balls chopped or your vag put in a food processor
You can only eat dog food for the majority of your diet, otherwise some scraps of gizzard and gristle, you are lower class. 
You can only eat when you are allowed, and people may forget sometimes or your water gets old and stale
You can't masturbate, if you get spade or neutered I'm not sure what that would even be like.  Maybe you are horny and try to hump things but you can't feel anything down there.  You eventually lose all passion and go insane saddest thing ever. And you can't count the dogs that can bat at their genitalia, try bating at your dick with your hand and see how that feels. 
You get extremely scared a lot over normally mundane things, it must be like being on heroin

Sometimes You Have To Take The Long Way Home