Saturday, April 16, 2011

Old People

Why do people get on old people for smelling?  Of course they are going to smell, everyone will smell when they are old.  You are so used to your scent that you can’t tell it is bad as it gets progressively worse. Lay off them.  Your life will probably be pretty fucked up by the time you reach 80.  Bastard teenagers, don't know anything. 

Wiping


The way people wipe is amazing.  The thing about wiping your ass is really no one taught you when you were older, so how do you know if you are doing it the right way.  The reason is, unless your parents are perverse assholes, or you are one yourself, then you haven’t seen anyone wiping before.  It was kind of like you invented your own way, sideways, blotting, front to back, back to front, circular, folded, crumpled, it’s weird and it's all good.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Should A Man Ever Put "Or Something" in an email?

So I was just writing an email to a friend of mine who is a girl, and I put "maybe we can grab some dinner or something".  Or something pretty much means I want to have sex right?  It can't really mean anything else.  Is it okay for guys to put that in and it does actually refer to something else?  I am vexed, I've put that in a lot of emails, but then again I probably did want to have sex. 

Monday, April 11, 2011

Fabio's Intervention

 Once there was an intervention for Fabio, he was addicted to his pectoral muscles, they were the size of dinner plates, and often he had people eat off him at Planet Hollywood.  He would also sit in the weight room and  constantly work, his pecs like an animal all day.  I would come up to him in the gym, but he continued to tell me “ You can look but you may not touch”, in that spicy accent of his.
             All his friends were at his house, but Fabio is very late. Claire, his girlfriend, must keep her guests occupied. But is the intervention for Fabio, or maybe all of his friends have the problems? Gerard watched out the window and asked himself where the love had  gone in his life. Didier was up late last evening, because of his gambling problem.  He bet on how many puppies his neighbor was going to have, and they don’t even have a dog.  Poor Shania Twain, she was married to Mutt Lang but wish she had passed him up for Stiles White, that guy is a god.   Thomas, well, nothing is wrong with him, except the fake ball cancer-kidney stone combo, that he uses to get seizure medicine. Patricia cries, why does she continue to date Sean Connery, she has just used him to get to Roger Moore. But they used him indeed, she finally figured out that she could never have either of them, because of the hurt of both.
            And finally Claire, dear Claire, she always worried what everyone else thought, She is embarrassed of Fabio's problem. Fabrice watched her as she served drinks, he has been concerned very much so. Why is this that she seemed of it? Did he also wonder, where is my car is? “What is all of this hub-bub about, tight shirt, ruby Tuesday, potato” said Fabio. Although Fabio had just entered, the intervention had already begun....