Sunday, May 29, 2011

One More Point on Rapture

Stupid question for religious nuts, but what point would God have in us mortals knowing when our rapture is going to be.  Don’t you think to be fair, it probably wants the element of surprise on us monkeys. 

Time Flies

One of the most fascinating things I've ever learned is the notion that the faster you are moving the slower time moves for you relatively to those "motionless" and the difference gets exponentially greater as you approach the speed of light.  E=MC squared?  Is that what that is about?  Anywho the story goes that if you were in a spaceship traveling around the Earth at the speed of light, years would be going by on Earth to what would only seem like hours or minutes to use in the ship.  It also works on much smaller scales.  They tested this theory a couple of times with an atomic clock and a jet, where the clock on the jet was like microsecond different than the one maintained as control after a flight of several hours. 

Why this notion of the universe hasn't gotten much further examination blows my mind.  If there were going to be an omnipotent being controlling the universe, this is one major piece of the puzzle that would bring us toward that ultimate truth.  But the thing is, aren't we always moving or in motion?  The Earth is spinning, the earth is revolving around the sun, the sun is revolving around the center of the galaxy, I'm pretty sure, that galaxy is revolving around something bigger and so on and so forth.  Not to mention our matter is still flying out from the big bang.  How does this all effect our perception of time.  With everything being relative to the univers maybe none since everything seems to be in constant motion.  Can anything smaller than the universe experience complete motionless?  The sun is probably moving thousands of miles a second, which in turn means we are relative to other positions in the galaxy, which if we were to do that on Earth would increase the difference with that experiment with the fighter jet 1000 fold.   If the sun stopped, would we age a lifetime in a split second.  Can we even call it a second then?  Or is it as humans the days will just keep adding up, time seems somewhat constant to us, and if the universe stopped we would just age regular in our own minds, but to observer outside the universe we would be gone like that (snaps fingers). 

Now recently, I think time has gone ridiculously fast.  Many say it is a factor of just getting older, you've lived more days so your collective memories of days becomes more and more, a day feels like it goes faster than it did when you were say 5 years old.  However now, something feels a little off otherwise, it feels like it is more of a collective group of people thinking this.  What if the matter from the big bang is finally slowing down and is causing our perception of time?  How would that effect our concept of time?  There should be a way to calculate when the matter from the big bang starts to slow down from its initial acceleration.  Maybe that is the key to our existence.  That the universe slowed down at just the right time to give humans a notion of time for them to exist. 

Friday, May 27, 2011

Seinfeld Never Went in George's Apartment

I'm 98% sure on this, but I think Jerry never set foot in George's apartment.  George always came over to his place.  What an asshole, he's the guy that always makes you drive over, never wants to do anything outside where he is.  He went to George's house with his parents, I don't think we ever saw George's older place before he moved back home, did we?  Is this what that Curb Episode was about?  The one where George and Larry can't decide whose office to go to.  That may have been a reference to this, since George always obliged to go over to Jerry's in the show it would appear.   

Speaking of which, did he ever go into Elaine's newer apartment, not her old one with the roommate, the one with the rattan piece?  Wait, yes he did before the Devils game.  But I think I'm right on the George's apartment thing. 

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Start from Scratch

The problem with society is that we haven’t started over yet with just about anything.  If you think about it we have just taken pre-existing ideas or models and evolved from that. I mean we have all this great technology and we are just evolving from the simpler genesis products.  I use the term evolve and it could be no better used on a subject such as they.  Think about all the species on earth right now, they are pretty fit, but guess what other species had to be wiped out completely for that to happen.  Maybe some technology we could do with wiping out completely and starting over.  

What we need to do is start from scratch on something, and come up with a better idea for everything.  Take for example the car, all we’ve done is improved upon the original model, and I must say not by that much comparatively.  The most advanced part is the break system, air bags, belts and computers.  But shit I mean there must be a better way for mass traveling than driving around in a machine that creates explosions from a limited fuel supply, I mean there just has to be

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Daily Show 1996

When I was younger I used to wish that I was Craig Kilborn’s friend.  I imagined going to his house every weekend, and hanging out with him, Bryant Unger, and screwing Beth Littleford, oh the dreams.  Then I would imagine that Michael Bleidan and A. Whitney Brown would pull up in their geo painted in a green and black grid pattern, and we would just fight with them. Then Rebecca Lobo would come by and she would get “comfortable” with me and Beth. How do dreams come to the mind?

Fighter Jets

Why don’t they put missiles on fighter jets that shoot backwards, it just doesn’t make sense to me.  I couldn’t see any damage it would do if it was fired backwards, at least not any more damage that could be done being fired forwards, you know.  I mean most of the times that a plane is shot down, they are shot from behind right. So you should have something to fire back there, just to deter them, maybe like a big can of paint, that would be sweet, or eggs.
THE IT FACTOR:  WHY TAG IS PERPETUAL.

Ah, the game of tag.  A game of virgin youth.  A game of wit, stamina, speed, and strength, the game proves a sporting contest for any child.  “You’re it” claims one.  But this child does not want to be it, who wants to be it, no one.  If you refuse to be it, you will only add to the jubilant cries of the other victors because you will be "it" forever, you cannot win by saying you refuse to play if you are tagged, because you are "it".  You don’t want to be it, therefore the child will tag anyone in site, the cycle continues forever.

It is all a web


If you look hard enough there is always meaning in anything, you can relate two guys talking in a Cafe to the cold war, or bananas falling from a tree to a blackhole.   Maybe there is a lesson in that, saying that everything is interconnected, but ah what the hell probably not

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Rapture

I'm sure everyone is sick of this rapture talk by now, or maybe not since apparently it never happened, maybe people will talk about it for another 3 days.  But I just want to basically sum up what I have learned from this.  Some old guy named Camping, who is crazy christian and has a lot of money (or should I say his church does), decided to spend millions on an ad campaign to tell everyone that this was the end of the world or so he believed because he did his own version of math and interpreted the bible in a fucked up way.  I'm sorry I just want to sit back and analyze this again.  A rich christian group decided to spend money on advertising the end of the world that only they believed instead of spending that millions of dollars on something oh I don't know...Christian for them to do.  I know it's the same old story, but guess what a kid in Africa just died of aids or some militia probably because of the huge diamond demand that our country help perpetuates, and we go and spend a million dollars, on mainly billboards mind you, to tell everyone the end of the world is coming.  So make sure you believe in Jesus right now and you are good, and nevermind that you be a good person your whole life.  Isn't religion fun?   As long as you are christian, and repent you get into heaven okey dokey.  This guy had nothing to lose, if he was wrong oh God must be changing his plan, but if something fucked up would have happened just think how crazy people would have gotten even if that event had nothing to do with a rapture.  Do you think people in Iceland were losing their shit?

I don't even want to get into the cultural shockwaves this will send through communities.  A lot of people took this seriously.  I bet one person killed themselves.  Sue Camping's ass.  Sue that dude for everything he is worth take every blood cent from that godforsaken man.  I don't care that most of the people that believed him were crazy themselves.  More rational people were probably disturbed by this somehow.  Should he face consequences for launching this campaign?

I wish we could deem rich people crazy and that they don't deserve their money, start with this guy.  These are the rich pricks that I want every person to get an amount of their fortune that deserves it.  I'm not talking about welfare and handouts, I'm talking about the the guy down the street who just lost an arm and is getting screwed out of insurance money because he was trying to save someones life on the line so he knowingly committed the act deemed the courts.  That guy, that guy could probably use $30,000 to straighten his life out he deserves it.  Not this guy who is just going to spend it in his last will and testament that he wants to release everywhere that the world is going to end on December 1, 2030.  He is going to burn his money in that down the line probably.  Just to get one over on the people one more time.    Why not pray for people to see the way if you believe it so much.  Why spend a tsunami's worth of aid budget to just get attention?   Why do the least Christian thing you could probably do?

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Sorority Girls


If Everyone Lived Like a Sorority Girl, Then We Would…
  • Drink 120,000 gallons of pink alcoholic shit every year with stupid straws
  • Get 20 tons of food, but only eat 1 ton, then throw away whatever is left
  • Everyone would think they are the greatest thing in the world, and whatever they do is outrageous/crazy, when it is just stupid shit that only they think is funny.  Like dancing on a table, holy shit we are so crazy you slut.    
  • Have at least 2 abortions a year
  • Dad’s across the world would go into to debt to pay for credit card bills they think are for books but are really for three way vibrators, and butt plugs.
  • Saved by the Bell and Dirty Dancing would be the greatest things, not that we would really watch them but that they are vintage and from the 80’s so it’s cool. 
  • We wouldn’t be able to understand how Groundhog Day works.  “It has something to do with the angle of the sun, right?”
  • Everyone would have a pointless belly button ring so it might be kind of hard to distinguish who the sluts are, but it would be a safe bet to assume they all are.
  • Would pay over $10,000 just to live in a sorority house every year (9 months) at least it was that way in 1987
  • Tanning salon stock would sky rocket, while things like health, and technology stocks would plummet because in that world there isn’t anything that a trip to Cabo can’t cure or do. 
  • No worrying about STD’s, because everyone would have one
  • The Peabody’s, Pulitzers, Noble prizes would be worthless unless they gave one out for girls with most shit on their face. 
  • Lines would lose all meaning, not only because they are complicated, but also  everyone would be able to move to the front because they fucked someone, or at least promised they would.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Confused Kids

I can’t wait to have kids just so I can use all that sexual innuendo with my wife.  Like my kid would come in and ask if he could get a sand box.  Then I’d be like there is already plenty of sand in her box.  The kid would be all confused.  Oh yeah. 

Pointillism Universe

Take a painting, I especially like to take A Sunday Afternoon in the thing, by that pointillism guy.  I mean wow.  Deepest painting ever it gets my vote for sure.  You have society, what was going through at the time.  I mean look at this guy, there is a guy in the bushes does he have a gun I don’t’ know.  Then they got the fucking monkey what the hell.  I heard it had something to do with prostitutes, there are so many prostitutes in that painting and that reinforces that is disengagement of society.  Not only is everyone made of mere points, or dots, which means everyone is made up of nothing, or the same thing, but the people believed to be high class merely use prostitutes for their own being, and that is what creates them.  Do we create our own problems?

Smiling Girls

I love it when girls that are walking by themselves smile, and maybe sometimes laugh a little. A lot of girls have beautiful smiles, that they only show when they are alone.  I sometimes hope they are thinking of me, and that’s why they are smiling.  Then I realize that I don’t know them, I will never know them, and they will never know me, and it just makes the world a sadder place.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Ok Go

If you are into a mix of techno and commercial jingles and bands that make millions off doing one take music videos.  Ok Go is the band for you. The Rube Goldberg one was awesome, but give me a break with that treadmill shit. 

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Two Princes

Spin Doctors “2 Princes” has to be the best song of the millenium, nothing else compares to the Spin Doctors first of all, they are quite the jacks of all trades, and then they hit us with 2 Princes and we aren’t suppose to cream.  Just go ahead now.  The art direction on the video was spectacular, wearing goofy winter hats, black and white, cardboard signs, zooming in and out.  Just take that man and throw him a million dollars, because that man should be King, or perhaps a Prince, hehehehe.

Funny story, in 6th grade when we were first introduced in the class after summer we had to say our name, and for shits the teacher thought it would be funny for us to include our favorite band.  I had to go first because that was position in the giant U.  I couldn't think, I froze up and said Spin Doctors.  Worst day of my life, which turned into the worst year, no one forgets that shit.