Sorority Girls

If Everyone Lived Like a Sorority Girl, Then We Would…

• Drink 120,000 gallons of pink alcoholic shit every year with stupid straws
• Get 20 tons of food, but only eat 1 ton, then throw away whatever is left
• Everyone would think they are the greatest thing in the world, and whatever they do is outrageous/crazy, when it is just stupid shit that only they think is funny.  Like dancing on a table, holy shit we are so crazy you slut.    
• Have at least 2 abortions a year
• Dad’s across the world would go into to debt to pay for credit card bills they think are for books but are really for three way vibrators, and butt plugs.
• Saved by the Bell and Dirty Dancing would be the greatest things, not that we would really watch them but that they are vintage and from the 80’s so it’s cool. 
• We wouldn’t be able to understand how Groundhog Day works.  “It has something to do with the angle of the sun, right?”
• Everyone would have a pointless belly button ring so it might be kind of hard to distinguish who the sluts are, but it would be a safe bet to assume they all are.
• Would pay over $10,000 just to live in a sorority house every year (9 months) at least it was that way in 1987
• Tanning salon stock would sky rocket, while things like health, and technology stocks would plummet because in that world there isn’t anything that a trip to Cabo can’t cure or do. 
• No worrying about STD’s, because everyone would have one
• The Peabody’s, Pulitzers, Noble prizes would be worthless unless they gave one out for girls with most shit on their face. 
• Lines would lose all meaning, not only because they are complicated, but also  everyone would be able to move to the front because they fucked someone, or at least promised they would.