Asshole and Hippie Decide to Race Arounnd the World

                               The Hippie                                          

 The Asshole

The Prize

Banishment to an Asian Girl’s Sex prison

(that’s different from an Asian Prison for Sex Girls)

THE RACE

The Race is not just some pussy on a tricycle.  Going around some barrels of hay drinking a beer every time they make a lap, hey that’s a pretty good idea, hmmm.  What caused the race?  Well one time in this park the asshole was being his drunk self in the early afternoon and chopping down this tree while smoking some cigars, I mean some big fucking stogies with ashes flying everywhere.  The hippie saw him but didn’t do anything he just sat at this park bench staring off into the distance, it was later confirmed that he couldn’t move because of the PCP.  But the Hippie had a photographic memory even when he is completely gone.  He somehow remembered the guy’s license plate and went to the guy’s house one night.  He then put a shark in the asshole’s Range Rover.  When the asshole got in the car to go workout in the gym, the shark took a big bite out of him.  But the hippie left a shred of evidence, his ‘frolf’ disk with his phone number on it.  You see he’s always worried about losing it.  The asshole went back to the hippie’s house and destroyed his house/tent/shanty town/commune in the local town square because they were trying protesting something but just an excuse to get together and eat sugar cubes laced with LSD.  The hippie actually caught the asshole in this act but there was nothing he could do he realized.  For some reason there is an unwritten code between douche bags that if one is wronged than the other must be wronged and since hippies and assholes file themselves under this category they both decided that the only way they could decide who should die is a race around the world.  They both decide the check points, and got their training in gear.  Since then, they’ve been spending most of the time fighting about what song to play the whole time during the race.  The Hippie wants B-52’s “Rome”, and the Asshole wants either Walking on the Sun by Smash Mouth or something by the Cranberries.  He says he doesn’t care if everyone thinks they are a gay.  He doesn’t think he is gay, the asshole that is, he is the one that recommended the Asian sex prison, he swears by it. 

The Check Points Are:  Starting line = Some park in western Kentucky because there is a great jam festival there; Nova Scotia AKA the launch pad to Europe; Friedberg, Germany; Uzbekistan; the Maldive Islands; Mongolia; New Guinea; Santiago Chile; The Falklands; the Congo (because they went too far); Cairo Egypt because they wouldn’t listen that they went too far; Lincoln, Nebraska, Finish Line = the step before the start line. 

READY…SET…GO!