OccupyWallStreet is going to CAUSE Zombie Apocalypse

What do we always ask ourselves while watching a zombie movie.  How the hell did people get so dumb to be the first infected.  How does is spread if they are slow.  Does it start with one person, or like an airborne virus in the beginning.  Well I can tell you there is a good chance is starts with shit like occupywallstreet.  Ruffians, miscreants, government experience homeless aside,  it's ust a giant mass of people huddled together in one of the most populated dense cities in the world, growing slowly by the week, and more people catch wind and want to go down there to check it out.  It is growing faster than it is shrinking basically. 

One person gets infected then it spreads quickly, soon you got this collection of dozens of people, momoving outward infecting more.  Not to mention police are focusing on these areas across the country, they get infected there goes one of our safety nets.  The thing I've learned the most from the movies is zombies never stop.  They will always find you, they will eventually take over, they will greatly outnumber you and you will eventually die.  That is actually our weakness, we think they are so powerless, they are weaker, slower, disabled mostly, we always undersell them.  Never do that, and you may survive long enough to have sex 4 more times. 

http://www.nbc15.com/home/headlines/Police_Say_Man_Bit_Officer_In_The_Arm_132948613.html  - oh shit

Alien Worm Thing While You Sleep

If you notice something clinging to your ceiling like worms or sloths, it would be best to start running until you puke.

Master the Fart

If someone is ever able to control their farts, by that I mean duration, strength, intensity, loudness, and density, then God help us all. 

Chuck E Cheese Tickets

I can attribute most of my academic success to the report cards for tokens program held at Chuck E Cheese, formerly Showbiz.  Seeing those animatronic animals, pretending the gorilla would eat me though.  But those tickets were the biggest motivation of them all, I have 300 little plastic paratroopers in the shape of Chuck E Cheese. 

Water Wrestling

A new sport for the millenia is Water Wrestling. Two people jump into a ring that is fixated in the center of a giant swimming pool. They go back forth and try to dunk each other, and they can flip each other over, and splash water in the faces. Around the ring are certain weapons like a rope or a taser, pepper spray, and a concocted pepper spray mostly made of Lysol, salt, and bleach, you can use these at your disposal.

I like Mountain Dew

I like it when moms wear those cut off shirts usually with some kind of plaid design and have their hair pulled back, or they wear those overalls with green shirts. I also like oldy time Train stations like the ones the Nazis blew up in France

Interesting Facts

 Although they may not all be real they make one hell of a dinner party conversation. 

ü      Mice can’t vomit

ü      The middle finger originated when English bowmen would flick off the French to gloat their victory.  Because if captured the bowmen would have their middle fingers cut off so they couldn’t pull back their quivers.

ü      Coconuts kill more people that sharks

ü      The Alaskan Crab fisherman is the most dangerous job in America.

ü      It snowed in the Sahara Desert on February 18, 1979.

ü      Pollen never deteriorates

ü      There is more real lemon juice in Lemon Pledge than in Country time Lemonade

ü      Michael Keaton’s real name is Michael Douglas. 

ü      The average chocolate bar has eight insect’s legs in it.

ü      During menstruation, the sensitivity in a woman’s middle finger is reduced.

ü      The three wealthiest people in the world have more assets than the combined forty eight poorest nations.

ü      The water bear kicks ass

ü      The first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II, killed the only elephant in the Berlin zoo. 

ü      In 1998 Sony accidentally sold 700,000 camcorders that had the technology to see through people's clothes

ü      1/3 of funerals in Taiwan include a stripper

ü      China has more English speakers than the United States

ü      There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. 

ü      Most alcoholic beverages contain all 13 minerals necessary to sustain human life

ü      The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to space dust

ü      Non-dairy creamer is flammable

ü      Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected through an IV

ü      There are 23 doctors in the US called Dr. Doctor

ü      You can’t create a folder called “con” in Microsoft Windows

ü      Adolf Hitler had only one testicle

ü      90% of women who walk into a department immediately turn right. 

ü      All the swans in England are property of the queen

ü      In Ancient China people committed suicide by eating a pound of salt

ü      The most popular condom in Taiwan is only 4.2 in. long.

ü      Children laugh about 400 times a day, while adults only laugh about 15 times.

ü      No high jumper has ever been able to stay off the ground longer than 1 sec

ü      The world’s heaviest primates are morbidly obese humans, then gorillas at 485lbs.

ü      Jimmy Carter was the first US president to have been born in a hospital.

ü      The word testimony came from ancient Rome where men to take oath would put their hands on their testicles

ü      Wilt Chamberlain never fouled out of a game

ü      Napoleon constructed battle plans in a sand box

The Giant Squid

Before I die I would like to fight a giant squid.  If I do die fighting it who cares it would be fun to try and if I won it would be ten times better.

Dear Companies

Can we please drop the automated messages that play while we are on hold about how our call is important to you.  I know it's not true, you definitely know it's not true otherwise why is it automated, and the person that finally answers on the other end after 20 minutes and is making $8 and hour knows it.  It just insults us and it completely disrupts the flow of the music. Not to mention I know I am on hold you don't have to tell me every 40 seconds that all your available service reps are busy. 

Also in seeing that type of picture above with all sorts of companies, stop that too.  Same rules apply.  Oh you are a person smiling because you are thinking of the company, because that happens all the time to perfect sculpted chicks. 

The Eric Stolz Conundrum

You know all those times where TV shows or movies say that oh yeah you know that popular person wasn’t our first choice in the matter, and they almost didn’t get cast.  People say that as such a tragedy. Why?  Probably because our minds and our lives are so focused on acceptance, and our world not to change, that we would find it devastating if someone else was in the world, even though if that person would have started from the beginning they would be accepted just as much.

World Peace

All guys think that the world problems can be solved by drinking beer and girl on girl action. That if world leaders would get drunk they would be able to resolve their differences, or if everyone was high everyone would be best buds (hey I just got that one).  By watching girl on girl action everyone’s minds would be so preoccupied by the hot lesbo wanging that they would stop fighting.  How ridiculous?  There is no cure for mankind.  And everyone knows that world peace is only achieved through watching people getting kicked in the groin.

Freddie Prinz Jr. Sucks

About 25 years 117 days and 23 hours ago, in the valley of the crater gods, where the 8 planets were in alignment, and the moon casted its shadow on earth during the solar eclipse.  There be born to one woman, a whore, and 5 criminal men, one a rapist, the other a pedaphile, the other a murderer, the other a thief, and the last George Lucas, the devil child, the root of all evil, not by name Damian but by name Freddie Prinze Jr.  His destiny was to engrip Earth with Hell fire, and launch into the eternal damnation.

Earth now needed a symbol of pure goodness, one that could contest the greatness of angels, one that would be able to stand up and defeat the demon that had been casted upon our surface, and it was Macgyver and his sidekick Buckaroo Bonzai.