The world began when Moses, formed from sea plankton and sea monkeys, conquered the seven seas and defeated Superman in the battle of Calcutta. He brought together the 3 tribes: Cucos, Thotverfad, and Yihuvert. Moses was then the King of the world and declared that everyone give him their money and porn, and with this he would be a greater ruler. But deep within the jungle the Transformers were amassing a coup d’etat against Moses because of his views on diplomacy, abortion, and grade school education. The Transformers were successful and a put a coalition of leaders at the helm of this new great empire, Maximus, Attila the Hun (who later invented Time in 1873), the guy who killed the first Buddha, and Steve McQueen.
The biggest contribution was bringing all the continents to form one big land mass known as Waterworld, cost of shipping dropped dramatically and the world was covered in monorails and rickshaws, however the cost of dragging the continents together sent the world into a depression, but then Steve McQueen reminded everyone that it was done by slaves, so then the economy boomed again. The year was now 1437 and no one had any gold. So they sent some people and they got some but not until the year 1200, thanks to Doc’s Time machine which fucked up history.
When television was invented by a blind firefighter during the holocaust the world changed with the show Welcome Back Kotter, everyone loved it so much that they made the Sweat Hogs the new coalition leaders, and put the other 4 to death by monkey rape and pen stabbing. When Charlize Theron was born half the population was wiped out because of boner explosions this came to be known as the Theron plague which also revamped Cable and the Silk route. Some priests were cleaning up after a hurricane and found a black hole, one of them jumped in, and a frat boy jumped out. They later learned it was a prank, and that Sigma Kappa Theta, had created the black hole to score with chicks. After Look Who’s Talking Vinny Barberino was exiled into Forgotten Land where George C. Scott as Patton, Simon Birch and Ivan the Terrible were rulers. Forgotten Land had been created by Jesus’ Aunt in 347 when Jesus demanded a bigger play area, it is an island 59 miles off the coast of Waterworld. The biggest war came between the orcs and the elves/human one of the biggest battles was at helm…wait nevermind.
When the aliens came after the coke fad of the 80’s, are only defense was the huge robots. They had won previous wars against cave men, popes, futuristic soldiers, and children that ran at 60 miles per hour, so they were a little harder to hit. And don’t forget the minutemen with anti aircraft capabilities needless to say the giant robots won which will happen I don’t know why. Man a lot of wars, I just hope there is never war against grizzly bears, or raptors, that would be scary, because physiologically, I have no idea what is going on, what if they were combined somehow. Anyway, a mad scientist created the French in a laboratory using the hair from a werewolf. The french quickly grew in population due to the fact that gestation was only 2 days and they could have up 89 offspring in a single sitting. To counter this the coalition of Waterworld released a virus that made people’s anus’ swell up so you couldn’t poop anymore. (The “virus” was actually just 100 dumbass frat guys that would go around looking for french and would superglue their ass cheecks together in drunken high fives.) Then after the great war of the Pink heads, and the fucking plants, God gave up and quit. He said he would give the universe to Rollie Fingers after winning the world series. With Fingers at the helm he had a grand vision of a diplomatic economic plan for the world, except Hitler, being his bitch slave did not like and rose up against the ranks and killed him.
I know a lot of people are asking when was the great battle between Europe and Journey that happened in 1653, it ended up freeing the Jews from Egypt, even though no one won the battle. Steve Perry had pissed on Europe's flag that was hanging on a bus. Oh yeah, Captain Crunch. Then one of the guys from Europe took a cinder block and threw it on the Steve’s back as hard as he could, and thus the battle was started, it lasted for at least 5 years. And after the Jews were freed, Steve visited kids in the hospital. But in 1709 Zeus came down from his gay cloud and called Ronald McDonald a douche bag, and thus began the greatest war the universe had ever seen. When King George survived the crash of the Titanic in 1987 he was found having a Barbeque in Lima, Peru, thousands of miles away a month later, not recalling any of it. The Landing on Pluto created such a rush for pictures of the Cyclops, that Leonard Smawlton became the richest man in the universe as a result of him owning the rights to him. Leonard Nemoy came out of crater and asked for more Tater Tots, so that is where he had been all these years, he wasn’t dead.
Because time travel was invented on the trip to Pluto the voyage arrived back on Earth three weeks before it took off. With the help of a baboon named Larry Anderson, Fatmotif and his crew sailed to Japan to bring the invention of Guisha and Sony. Japan loved it so much they declared that Gung Ho is the best movie ever. They then used the profits from these two sectors to increase their capitol, build their economy, and make Japanese TV where babies have to play dodgeball. A wizard wanted his son to win the science fair, so he created our world out of parsnips, and lemon zest, then he screamed Balzac, and we were here. If the Huns would have never have invaded Poland in the 1970’s, then Nuclear War would not exist. The leader of the huns, General Custard therefore stood trial before the intergalactic council made up of Spock, 3 of his clones, a dinosaur, monald muck, and the dude your getting a dell dude. The council was deadlocked, the dinosaur needed to make his mind, he ate the others and then decided to destroy the world in 2019, which was yesteryear, and now it is done.
The End
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